Fun With Tabloids

I glance at my wrist watch. 9 A.M. I think it is safe to say the chief took off with out me this morning. It is unusually quiet today. The only noise I hear is from the crackling logs in a nearby fireplace. I look down to see myself wraped in a blanket. Obviously it got significantly colder last night. I don't understand these weather patters. I probably never will either, and that's ok. I grab one of the tabloid magazines off of the coffee table. Sure it's trash, but damn it, it's fun trash. I leaf through to see if I can find any new information. Pretty much everything I expected. This person is pregnant.These people got married.These people split. This person is hot.This person used to be hot, but is now ugly. You know, the usual stuff. However, I noticed on the last page a teeny tiny add for X - Ray specs. It said "Call now and we will ship it right away. FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!" The ten year old boy inside me was screaming "Get it! Get!" So of course I got my cell out and ordered it. Now I know some of you may be asking "What are you gonna do with X - Ray specs?" To which I respond "What won't you do with X - Ray Specs? Haven't you ever wanted to look a the bones in your hand?" So I called the number for my X - Ray specs, and before I could hang up I hear DING DONG at the front door. I open the front door, and see package that is larger than life placed on the welcome mat. It is about three feet in height. Complete overkill for what I assume is a very little thing. I don't care though because I am about to entertain a childhood whim.