An Old Friend

    It is pouring so quickly and heavily that I can barely see what is directly in front of me. Luckily I have a black bird that soars against the gray sky as my guide. It turns it's head slightly every now and then to make sure I am still following. As I'm walking I notice the small pools of water gathered in the pot holes. I watche them fill up. I examine the falling water splashing into pot holes. There are all sorts of patterns emerging. Swirls, angel wings, and sometimes smiley faces. At this point I don't even realize I'm standing still, lost in the patterns. I'm transported to my bedroom. I'm five years old and can not sleep , so I fix my eyes to the wooden bedpost and stare at the natural swirls in the wood. All sorts of images bounce out. People, creatures, aliens, trees, you name it.
The crow fly's back into my perspective. It lands down by the pot hole. It looks at the pot hole, then looks at me, then back to the pot hole again. I can tell it's confused, but I really don't feel like explaining my actions to a bird. So I start to walk again. The crow takes the hint and leads the way once more.  This time, however, it does not want to give me the chance to stop and look at anything. It flaps its wings as fast as it can possibly go. The crow is now just a black dot in the sky. I throw down my umbrella and try desperately to chase after it. I'm stomping through all the puddles and I'm soaking wet, but I don't care. I must not let this dot out of my sight. I must find out where it is going.  Eventually, the dot stops moving and appears to be hovering over some location off in the distance. I slow down to catch my breath. Feeling almost certain that the black dot won't move from location, I go at a more leisurely jog. It stays at that central point the whole time. After a few winding roads, and a couple of hills, I have caught up to the crow.  It floats high above a dilapidated shack. The crow swoops down in front of me and squaks at me to open the door. The door is only attached to the shack by a single hinge. It creeks and nearly falls off the hinge as I open it. "Took ya long enough."  I look to the center of the room. It's pumpkin head. Pumpkin head is an old friend of mine. We go way back.  I should be very clear here. He looks nothing like a pumpkin. He is a suburban biker. Jeans, white T - shirt with the cigarettes in one sleeve, and a du-rag. I don't think his name is a reference to a literary or cinematic characters by the same. I think he thought it sounded cool. " You were waiting for me?" I ask. " "Yeah." Pumpkin Head walks over to the corner and picks up a shovel that was resting against the wall. "What's this for?" Pumpkin Head points to an X by my feet. " X marks the spot." "What's buried?" "Treasure for you." I stare at Pumpkin Head blankly. "Don't worry, it's a good treasure. You'll like it." He reassures me. I shake my head and start to dig. Being one of my oldest and closest friends, he could very well be playing a trick on me. With my luck I'll dig up dog shit. Or what looks like some sort of red cloth. I pull the cloth out of  the dirt, unfold it and hold it up. It's a red hood and cape. "Pumpkin Head, did you murder Little Red Ridding Hood?" "Don't you remember it." "No." "It's you." "What, I'm not a hero." "Fuck off, I never said you were." "I really don't remember this." Pumpkin Head puts out his cigarette on his black work boots. "Put it on." He demands.  I throw off my hoodie and put on the red hood and cape. The cape is a lot longer than I expected. It goes down to my legs and is taterd, but I like it like that. The hood casts a dark shadow over my face. No one can see in, but I can see out. Clear as day. "Now do you remember?" He asks. "No, but I like it." He laughs to himself.  "Don't worry, you will." Pumpkin Head opens the door to the shack. He walks back to his bike, hops on and revs the engin. "You comin' with?" "No, I think I have something to do." " I knew you'd say that." Pumpkin Head snaps his fingers. The crow flys in, lands on the handle bars. "Don't worry, I'll come back when you need me." With that he takes off into the distance.Leaving me alone in the crumbled up shack. But I don't mind.

Lazy Day

   It's a gray, gray rainy day today. I think it's just what I needed though. Some say rain is symbolic of God's forgiveness. A cleansing I guess you could call it. Maybe rain is even the collective consciousness of certain regions. Maybe all those people are depressed for whatever reason, and by the Earth raining it is letting out a release that the selected region would not have done themselves. Either because they can not or simply don't want to cry. You never know. I'm not even entirely sure if last night with the Octopus was a dream or a stress induced hallucination. Or if it actually did happen. One thing I do know is that I can't get it out of my head. The events keep playing in my mind. Over and over. So utterly strange. Olivia's back in California right now. I miss her terribly, but I just gotta hold on for one more day.
I think this is a good day to hold off on adventures for right now. Just relax. Not even necessarily think. But out of the corner of my eye there appears to a crow flying towards my window. It perches on my window sill. I ignore it. It taps on my window to get my attention. Still I ignore it. Doesn't it know I have no interest in the outside world today? It does not care. It taps louder and louder on my window until eventual I turn my head. "What!" I shout. The crow point's it's beak far off into the distance. "What?" I say again. The crow points to my hoodie which is tossed on the floor. "No, I don't feel like going out today." The crow's eyes widen and squaks loudly. "Fine." Even though it's just a bird, I have a feeling I am not getting out of this one. At least not easily that is. So I throw on my hoodie and lace up my shoes. There's adventure waiting to be had everywhere everyday. Whether I like it or not.

More guests, more problems

About an hour into the meal, and I'm still not entirely sure of our purpose here. I don't know if we stumbled upon a secret society in which all will be revealed. I don't know if this is some bizarre self - help group and we're supposed to air out all our dirty laundry. Who knows? Maybe they do want to kill us. All I know is that I wish there was a T.V. around here somewhere. I really just want to zone out right now. Not think for a while. Get away from the family bickering between Yeti and Sasquatch. Apparently Sasquatch is upset because Yeti doesn't come to North America and visit the family more often. To which Yeti responds that they can always come up to the Himalayas. Then Sasquatch becomes irate shouting how he knows that he can't afford to come up there with his family and the only reason Yeti was bringing that up as an insult. I think the Sasquatch is jealous of Yeti's laid - back snowboarder life style. He just doesn't want to admit it. It's like he sees some sort of missed opportunity. Such a shame. But I should move on. There are more monsters to discuss. Though perhaps I shouldn't refer to them as monsters. It seems to be a tad offensive, and I don't know if they can read my thoughts. Anyways then there is the Hodag. It's like a cross between an amphibian and some sort of wild beast. It's a for legged creature with with a long lizard like body. It has sharp points that jut out of its back and tail. It also has these deep red eyes that seem to look into your soul. It mainly just stays in the corner and watches over the party silently. let's see ... then there's - "How are the mashed potatoes?" I hear a loud British voice interrupt my inner monologue. I look up dazed. "I said, how are the potatos?" The Octopus asks again. I give the thumbs up. " They're good." "Splendid." The Octopus raises his glass and tinks it with his fork as if to make a toast. "Everybody, may I have your attention?" He requests. We all look up at him. " Thank you, now you all may be wondering why you are here." Jersey Devil interrupts "Who cares, free food ." The Octopus glares at Jersey Devil. "Might I remind you that you were not invited.?"  Jersey Devil begrudgingly complies. The Fiji Mermaid, a gross half monkey half fish creature pats Jersey Devil on the back. "Don't worry, he's just jealous of his cousin Giant Squid, nobody cares about the Giant Octopus." The Fiji Mermaid smirks at Octopus. "Isn't that right?" Octopus does not acknowledge Fiji Mermaid's remark, he just sips his whine and then calls out to his dog, Cerberus. Cerberus playfully sits by the Octopus. The Octopus points to the Fiji Mermaid. "My guest over here, has been very disrespectful." Cerberus growls at Fiji Mermaid. "That's right. Now I want you to take my "guest" and escort him to the shore." Cerberus bites down on the Fiji Mermaid's monkey arm. The Fiji Mermaid shrieks a horrible monkey scream. "I'm sorry, it was just a joke." It begs. "You had your chance." The Octopus replies, coldly. "Now take him away." Cerberus drags the Fiji Mermaid away, and the terrible monkey screams can be heard down the hall.  The Octopus sighs and shakes his head. "It's a shame that had to happen. But I'll make a fortune off of P.T. Barnum."  "But the Fiji Mermaid was exposed as hoax along time ago." I say. The Octopus smiles slyly. "In your time P.T. Barnum is dead and the Fiji Mermaid is fake. But here, everybody's story begins and ends at the same time." It seemed as though everyone at the table knew exactly what the Octopus was talking about and gave somewhat worried knowing nods in agreement.  Except for Olivia and I that is. "Is this a dream?" Olivia asks. "Perhaps."  The Octopus sees our growing confusion. "I've decided I won't tell you why you are here. You have to figure that one out yourselves." A dark shadow fills the room. A moment later the darkness dissipates and Olivia and I are in a classroom. " Do you know what he was talking about?" Olivia asks me. "No, but this seems like a very apt metaphor." Olivia pushes her seat from her desk. "Come on, let's get out of here." I get out out my less than comfortable steel chair and stare at the linoleum floor as we walk away. " Yeah, maybe it'll just come to us later."

Seriously, where's the door?

    I feel much like Steve Mcqueen in The Great Escape. All confined in this little area. The only thing I need is the baseball. I'm not even sure how I got locked in the bathroom. I mean it's a small space I should be able to find the doorknob, but I can't even find the door. Hell I'm not even sure where the wall is. It somehow got pushed back even further. Guess the only thing I can do is sit and wait for my princess to rescue me. I wonder if this is how Rapunzel felt. Granted, I don't have long hair and I'm not in a castle, but she was probably pretty bored. I get it. She was put in the tower so she couldn't have pre marital sex with the prince... That's what it was about right? It was a pro abstinence fairy tale right? It had to of been. Anyways, all I'm saying is if she was going to be locked away in a tower, they could have at least given her a book, or a sudoku magazine or something to occupy her time.  Just then I hear a knock at the door. I try and follow the sound, but my efforts are in vain. The wall is either non existent or pushed back much much further than I realized. "Olivia, is that you?" I ask the almost rhythmic knocking on the other end. "Who do you think it is?" "Hey Olive, do you think you could open the door?" I hear her jiggle the doorknob on the other side. "It's locked." "Damn it." "Babe, why don't you just open the door?" "Because I don't know where the door is." I can hear her laugh quietly to herself. "It's not that funny." I tell her. "No, it kinda is.Why where you peeing in the dark anyways?" "I wasn't. the light bulb exploded." "The light bulb exploded?" "Yeah, after I saw my blooded up reflection and tried to go through the mirror."  "Did you just say you went through the mirror?"  "No, I said I tried to go through the mirror." "That's not good." "What's not good?"  There is no response. I just hear footsteps walking away. "Hello?" I hear the footsteps rushing followed shortly by a loud thud at the door. "What the fuck?" "Hold on, I'm bustin' you out." The loud thuds continue until door is completely busted open. I'm still not sure where I am, but I can see a silhouette of Olivia clutching a bust of  Beethoven.  She can not see me, so I shout to her. "Olivia!" She creeps towards my voice, but trips over my body. The door slams shut behind her. "This is quite a pickle we seem to be in."  I say to her. "Relax, Scottie the door was busted. There's no way it could stay closed." I hear her get up and search for the door. " I Can't find it." "Not so easy, is it?"  The lights automatically come back on. We both have a look of relief on our faces. Curious, I look to the ground for glass shards. None. "How did the light bulb repair itself?" "Who cares, let's get out of here." Olivia insists. We turn our backs to open the door. That's when we hear a familiar voice. "Leaving so soon?" We turn around. We're not in the bathroom anymore. We're somehow back at the dinner party, and the Octopus does not look happy at all. Olivia and I look at each other. "What the fuck was in that whine?" She asks.  "I don't know." "Do you think we should run?" "I don't know if we can."  The Octopus wobbles over to us. "Please, sit." We reluctantly walk to the table mesmerized and horrified. The Octopus smiles once more as we take our seats. A chill runs through the air. Where we are, we do not know. How we'll get out, we do not know. But we do know we'll get out. That's a certainty.

Dinner Party

Uncertain of what the Jersey Devil was capable of, we let him lead the way. He slinks into the open doorway and we follow closely behind. There on the other side we see an elegant candle chandelier that is suspended from nothing at all. It drips wax on the large rectangular table beneath. The octopus sits at the head of the table. He springs from his seat at the sight of the Jersey Devil. "What is this scoundrel doing here?" Jersey Devil nonchalantly seats himself. "Relax, you can't have a party without me."  The octopus rolls his eyes. Jersey Devil puts his paw that has razer sharp claws out. " Let's bury the hatchet."
  The Octopus sighs and reluctantly puts out his tentacle. Half a second after they shake paw/tentacles the octopus feels a buzzzzzzz. Jersey Devil laughs hysterically and reveals a joy buzzer. " Very mature, Mr. Devil."  " It's a classic."  The octopus ignores the Jersey Devil and continues to pull out chairs for his guests. " No, allow me " The Jersey Devil insists. The Octopus shakes his head and goes back to his seat. He pulls my seat. I sit down , and all the sudden I hear a loud farting noise. Jersey Devil snickers to himself. I'm sitting on a whoopee cushion. The octopus buries his head in his tentacles. "Is this what I can expect this evening?" asks the octopus. "You know me, mischief maker extraordinare right here." He says.  Olivia interrupts. "Is there any whine?" " Why yes there is, and I think now would be a perfect time to start drinking it." The Octopus gets up and starts to wobble away. I casually look around. "Where is everybody?"  "They won't be here till later. It's in bad form to come to a dinner party to early." "Then why are you here now?" asks Olivia.  The Jersey grins to himself. "Because I don't give a shit about good form."  The Octopus wobbles back into the dinner party holding a bottle of red whine. " This is good stuff. It's aged seven years." He carefully uncorkes the bottle and pours four glasses. We clink our glasses together and drink the sweet whine. The Octopus looks very pleased with himself as he notes that everybody is drinking the whine. " It's expensive that's how you know it's good." He states.  Olivia tries to bite her tongue, but the Octopus instantly notices her disagreement. " You don't think so?"
"No, I don't." She says.  The Octopus leans in. " Have you ever heard of a decent cheap whine.?" Olivia mimics the Octopus's lean. "No, but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist." The Octopus smiles and attempts to clap without getting his suction cups stuck together. "Well done, now you know why you are here." I raise my eyebrow.  "No I don't actually." I say. "Well," The Octopus starts. I interrupt him. " Could you hold that thought, I have to pee?" The Octopus sighs."Could you wait?"  "No I don't think I can."   "Very well then ."  The Octopus shouts out. "Cerberus!"  A three headed rottweiler playfully rushes into the room wagging all three tongues. It sits down by the Octopus. The Octopus points to me. "Could you please escort my guest to the lavatory?" Cerberus rushes over to me and licks my face with all three tongues. I stand up and try to wipe off the slobber. " Let's go"  I tell it. Cerberus guides me out of the room into a narrow hallway . There is still a powder blue background. But now it feels more like a cartoon. It feels like an endless hallway and every now and then we pass a doorway, a flower vase, and a bust of Beethoven. "Shouldn't you be guarding hell?" I ask him. "Hell is a concept." It quips.  " Did you just go Socrates on me?"  "Yeah, I did." Cerberus smiles three big smiles.  Eventually we stop at a doorway. With a vase and bust of Beethoven.  " Here you are" It says. I open up the door. It's nothing special. Just a regular bathroom with barely enough space for one person. But I look in the mirror and I see that my face is horribly scarred and ripped up. I touch my face. It feels fine. I decide  to touch the mirror. My hand goes straight through and touches the reflection on the other side. My reflection makes a startled face and I pull back immediately. The light in the bathroom explodes. Leaving me in the dark. All alone, until I get a call from Olivia. " Where are you?" " I'm in the bathroom" "Still?" "I can't find the door." I can hear her trying not to laugh on the other side. " I'll come and get you" She says.  " Are you sure? It's a really confusing hallway." "I'll find you." She tells me reassuringly. We hang up our phones. Now I sit and I wait patiently.

My baby's in Cali

  My baby's in Calie. Far, far on the west side. San Antonio? Sacramento?San Diego? I don't know. One of those S names. Maybe when she comes back she'll teach me how to surf. We'll go to Lake Michigan and hang ten. When we grow tired of the nonexistent waves we'll paddle through all the connecting great lakes. On to the St Lawerence Freeway and into the Atlantic Ocean. At this point our arms will be beyond tired, so we'll stop and let the waves carry us where they carry us. The summer sun will beat down on us. Rendering us even more tired. We'll fall asleep, and in that moment a massive tentacle comes out of the ocean. It narrowly misses us and hits the board. We fly off the board and try desperately to swim away, but another massive tentacle appears and wraps itself around our legs. It begins to pull us down. We take a deep breath and....  We are underwater. But it's unusual. It's very very unusual. We can see clearly. Unlike when you are at the beach and you try to open you eyes underwater, but all you see is darkness. This is not the case at all. It's like another world. It's as if we got pulled down through the many layers of ocean to something completely  different. There is still a bit of a blue background, but we're dry and we're not weightless anymore. Confused, we walk around this vacant, powder - blue world until we see a stairwell that is attached to nothing at all.  On top of the stairwell stands the massive octopus. He's purple with top hat and a can that he clutches tightly with one of his tentacles. " I'm sorry about that" He says in a perfect upper- class British accent. " But it was the only way I could get you to come to my party" "The party?"  Olivia asks confused. " Yes the party. You two were the first to arrive because you were the closest in proximity."  "Who else is coming?" I ask. The octopus "scratches " his head. "Let's see. Mr. Yeti, Ms. Nessy, Mr. Sasquatch. Lots of people. Lots of interesting people." The octopus wobbles down the stairs. " But there is much catching up we must do."  "You don't even know us" Olivia snaps. " "Not yet, but I will, we'll all know each other. It'll be grand." The octopus wobbles ahead of us towards a small doorway in the otherwise vacant powder blue backdrop. "Come along now." I start to walk to the door, Olivia stops me. " You think this is a good idea?" I shrug. "It's free food."  " The food could be poisonous." "Shit, you're right. let's go up the stairs." So we start to walk up the stairs. As we're halfway up the stairs we see this black ominous creature with bat like wings. "What the fuck is that?" Olivia asks. "I don't know."  "What up bitches? It's me, the Jersey Devil." " Oh my God Olivia, we have go to the dinner party now." " But he seems like a jackass. I don't even know who the Jersey Devil is." "Olivia, he's cryptozoology royalty. That's all you need to know."  Olivia shakes her head. " Alright, I chose the next destination though." So we walk back down the stairs, to the dinner party. With the Jersey Devil closely behind us.

Breakfast

Friday Morning, 8:50 am. Right before my morning coffee enters my bloodstream and dilates my pupils like in Requiem  for a Dream.  Sweet, sweet ,caffeine, my vice of choice.Releaser  of endorphins, waker uper, and... bowl mover. Going to breakfast with my girl, Olivia, shortly, but I see no harm in having one cup of coffee right now. I mean it's not like I'll grow a third testicle or take off all my clothes and dance naked in the streets with the words "Soy Bomb" written on my chest. Though that does sound fun. But its July and I really don't want to cook my skin. Plus I also run the risk of the neighbors complaining and before I know it I'm a registered sex offender. I don't need that. Nobody needs that. So I think I'll just stay inside right now, sip my morning coffee and contemplate what I'll get for breakfast. Maybe crepes, maybe eggs, maybe all of the above. Breakfast is great. I could have it morning, noon, and night. I could have it on a plane with a fox in socks.  As long as there is no nasty green eggs and ham. Seriously I wouldn't eat green eggs and ham either. Well, I take that back. I would eat the ham as long it's a natural color. I'm not eating the green eggs though.  Those were probably sitting out for days. It's a disease waiting to happen.  "Try it try it you will see." Fuck no. Get the fuck away from me, you creepy little guy. Just let me stick to my pancakes, maybe some bacon. Maybe some maple syrup to dip the bacon in as well. Hopefully the waitress will bring by a normal size cup of orange juice.  Although I do like getting the small cup sometimes and pretending I'm a giant.  You know, right now it almost feels like Christmas Eve and I'm so excited I have visions of crepes dancing in my head. I should probably stop writing  and start getting ready though. But to recap.. Coffee = good. Breakfast = great, and I wouldn't recommend eating green eggs and ham. Unless it was used with food coloring.

Unemployment check

I received my first unemployment payment today. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I'm thinking "ooo yeah, I have incoming money." On the other hand it's "Wait do I really deserve this?" I guess in the eyes the government I do otherwise they wouldn't have given it to me. Right? Being unemployed is strange and often draining. You feel like you have to spend every waking moment looking for a job and if you don't you feel guilty about it. I was never suspended or expelled from school, but I would compare it to that. You don't necessarily enjoy going to school or work, perhaps after the first day or so part of you may even enjoy all the extra time to yourself. Then reality sinks in and you realize " Shit, I'm stuck at home with my parents." Don't get me wrong I love them. I just need to spread my little birdie wings and fly. That's the hard part. I know it sounds easy enough. I also realize the only person holding me back is me. Knowing this information it should be cinch to progress in life. It should, but its not. I am trying to be the optimist though. I have my sledgehammer ready. I'm gonna bust down all my walls with it. If I have difficulty with the sledgehammer, then I'll get the crowbar and take out the bricks. One at a time. Brick by brick by brick by brick.

Clearing out the Cobwebs

As I stated yesterday, this will be the start of something. What that something is, I'm not sure of. There is not really a clear- cut direction that I am going with this. I guess that is ok though. Part of me just want to clear this junk, these cobwebs that are trapped in my mind. My theory is that if I start writing a little bit each day that I can not only get out of this block that I have found my self in, but also maybe it will help clear up other aspects of my life. Get a little bit more confidence maybe. Who knows? It's kinda why I don't care if anyone does read this. For the most part I'm doing this for myself. Sorry. I don't see anything wrong with that though. Really though, why the hell should I? It's my blog and I can write whatever the fuck I want...apparently vulgarity is something I choose to write. Yeah, I think this is enough for today. I'm losing what focus I have left at the moment. Plus I have to be somewhat productive today.

The first.

Let me begin by explaining I  have no ideas. No thoughts currently swirling away in my head. Pictures, patters , sure, but ideas, that is a whole 'nother ballpark. I do, however have heart, and soul, and the passion to go on. What I can be sure of is that this will be the start of something, and I think that is pretty cool.