To be 17

I walk through a series of rooms. Each one slightly more symbolic than the last. I try not to assume that the tour of the rooms is almost over. But it is hard to be patient. In fact it is infuriating. It is fucking, blood boiling infuriating because there is always a test. There is always some sort of test. Why you say? Just the way it is. At one point however, I think it was when we were existing the circus room with blue flamingos (don't ask.) that I let my guard down. I unclench my fists and walked a little lighter. I arrived at this place that I had never seen before, and yet felt so very familiar. It felt like my childhood home, but not at the same time. It was as if I were in a dream that that felt beyond real, but knew at the same time that I was sleeping. As soon as I got over this intriguing sensation, I had this incredible pain in my chest. It was like someone was squeezing my heart. When my heart grew tense my mind decided to think it was 17. My body, however, knew the truth. It knew that it was 29. So it fought my mind for dominance. I nearly went into convulsions in the process. In the end, my mind won. This temporary "escape" into adolescence probably didn't take long, but it felt like years. It was horrible. This seventeen year old me was angry at the world even though I had no clue what the world was. I rejected everything and everyone. Ideas, cultural norms, the stereotypical notion of what it meant to be a rebel. You name it. It was dizzying and exhausting being in this place. I wanted to get out. I searched frantically for a door. There was nothing in sight. Just an empty kitchen with a bunch of dark shadows. Out of no where, a middle aged woman popped up. She reminded me of a sleep deprived Liza Minnelli. Wild black hair going in every direction imaginable and dark circles around her eyes. " He's here." She said to me in a zombie - like tone. "Who is here?" I asked her. "The rat." "A snitch?" "No, the rat." As soon as she finished speaking, I did hear a rat skimper around in the other room. "What do you want me to do about it?" I asked her. "You must kill it." "What?" "Kill it and you will feel better." She pulls a broad sword out of her nightgown from an invisible pocket and hands it to me. "Beyond the door lies your fear, you must destroy it." I take the sword as if I am a knight going off to battle. Sent by a deranged, sleep deprived queen. "The door is open now." She says to me. Right as I placed my hand on the door, I involuntarily shifted out of my body. I did not see myself on the other side of the door, but I could hear the violence from the other room. The squeels from the rat as the sword was thrashed into the rodent. I saw myself exit the room and immediately return to my body. The moment I did I felt my heart open up slightly and mind a little lighter. I was now back to my age of 29. The Liza Minnelli look alike gave me a knowing look of approval. She exited back into her shadows, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I knew the exit was around there somewhere, but I decided to stay in the kitchen for a few minutes and try to take in fully what just happened.